My future HOME

I don't know why, but I am SO obsessed with the vintage look.

I think my future husband will hate to live with me, because he'll feel very much like a girl.

but dundundun.. here is a layout of what I want my living room, kitchen, and bathroom to look like.. :)

I am very big on white, off white, beige, and flowers :)

Product Review

A quick review.

I was at the target store looking around, its always exciting to just be in there. haha

I usually go to sephora for makeup or lotions etc..

but there was always this one product I always wanted to try at target but .. was too scared to try..

but luckily, today there was a representative for the line (no idea why) but she was there and it was really nice to talk to her.

This product company is from "boots"

they produce several different lines for various problems. I've seen them in magazines before along with olay as being one of the best "cheapest" products to use.

I was looking for a night cream because I ran out of my burts bees radiance night cream- which I feel was very good but felt like it doesn't hurt to try something new.

I liked the texture of the botanics line because they use ginseng, alfalfa, and some use grape extracts just like caudalie line does. The difference is the price.. I usually drop $40.00 for a lotion at sephora and for an itty bitty bottle, while the botanics boots line cost max $12.00. HUGE difference. I tested it on my wrist of course to make sure I'm not super allergic, and I was surprised to see how INCREDIBLY soft it made my skin! I was originally going to buy this huge bottle just cuz I liked the feeling of it, but the lady was like .. that's for VERY mature, old lady skin.. HAHAH and she referred me to the "pre-wrinkle creams" for younger people. Same concept but not as harsh. I consented and now i'm trying wrinkle reduction serum~ which I just used and am VERY happy with :) I know we don't have wrinkles now, but I think if we start now, it'll be better as we age.

But then she thought I might be using an intense moisturizer which isn't right for my skin- this can leave you with an oily residue etc.. and I was like oh?

She said I should use a lotion with sun protection and something that is light- this I totally agree with- and so for my DAY moisturizer we were reading up on the No. 7 line. - We both concluded the rebalancing lotion is right for my skin type.. and as of now I totally agree! Keeps you oil free longer. phew.

So today felt like a total success- not only will I be saving a LOT of money, but I can be happy with a new product. :) Glad I can test it. lol

Oh and fyi, they also have a vintage line, where they use vintage packaging. Just the look of it makes me giddy. I LOVE THE VINTAGE LOOK. It'll look good for my future house lol, next to my bathtub which will also be vintage :) I just really want to design my own home now. Excited for the future! but now i'm off topic lol.

I think my next post should be all the furniture I want in my future apt :)

Karma

I sort of believe in KARMA
well not in the way that everyone else uses that term.
I feel like to me KARMA and ATTITUDE are interchangeable

I realized that a good day and a bad day is usually based on how we view the day with our attitude.

There are days I wake up, feel happy and bump into people that are kind and sweet,
the day goes smoothly, things happen where I state "I am so lucky", then BAM! it hits you, you encounter a arrogant man, a person honks at you as you are driving, people are rude, they cut you in line, they critisize you at work. My day turns from something so amazing to a day where I just want to go home because I can no longer smile.I feel so dark and angry. This attitude carries on to everything and everyone. I'm unable to view things as blessings but rather as an annoyance. I hate that, I hate how one little thing can ruin my day, and no matter what, I feel helpless because I can't create that original happiness anymore. ahh this is what stress is.

I also know when my heart turns dark, my attitude and intent turns dark. I hate people that have a bad heart, and I have to admit there are times I am SO angry inside that my heart becomes consumed with evil thoughts and feelings. Even though you think you recovered from this, the darkness continues to linger on and prevents good things to happen to you. I felt a little under the weather, no idea why, maybe because I feel sort of lost in my life, and that is causing me to stress and worry about the unnecessary. I don't know how to stop worrying, and I think all my anger, stress, just all the negative energy surrounding me is seriously attracting a lot of bad things to attack me.

Please let things get better..
:(
I don't want stress to consume me and dictate how I live..
For a while now, I tried putting on a positive attitude and avoided the negative thoughts..
but I believe I cracked.. and now i'm falling apart :/
I need to hear some good news, I want to feel safe again.
Perhaps I should pray for it.

Change me.

So much going on in my mind. So much happening around me.

Its hard to sleep, hard to breathe because I am overwhelmed and consumed by it all.

But what?

I don't even know for sure, but NO ONE can control it but myself.

Let's just say I lost myself.

I became a person that I hated and let that control me.

I know who I want to be.

Its time to change.

Its time to let go of insecurities, worries, doubt..

and live in the moment.

live day by day.

Yes... there will be the ups and downs..

but LIFE has a reason for EVERYTHING.

its time to accept the facts, its time to accept what it is.. and ignore the negative.

I only have myself to control.. I only have myself to think about.. I can ONLY change myself..

Its time for my change.

How do I start living this way? Ignorance

What you don't know, can't hurt you.

This maybe a STUPID way to live.. but its the ONLY way to live..

No more safety precautions, no more holding back.

I am in control of myself... so I can only work on myself.. to better myself.. and stay strong.

Friendship

Friendship...

Can be such a beautiful thing or deadly to any social life.

As people get older, I feel like the meaning of friendship becomes an issue.

When we were all younger, we played with whomever, whoever, whatever.

But as we mature into teenagers or adulthood, we become pickier and stick with people who we ultimately: Trust, use, or have the same interest.

No one is now just friends..

If you look around you, we only have a few we can call our best friends and many we can call our acquaintances. But how are we choosing, and why do many leave you abandoned?

Trust is a huge deal breaker. Not many people in this world are reliable, friendly, genuine, and ultimately trustworthy. I don't know why that is, maybe they just had a terrible childhood.. but there are so many people in this world you have to be weary about. Its so sad, but getting hurt by someone you think.. you thought... was such an amazing friend can leave you guarded and closed off, that no one would want to get close to you in the end. So to find those trustworthy friends, is like finding treasure. Something to cherish and never take for granted. Keep them close. :)

As we get older, I notice that people tend to latch on to people that are beneficial to them. Its such a selfish act, but I see more and more of this playing out. All I see behind those eyes are USERS. They use people to gain something, to get ahead for themselves. I hate people like this. They no longer have the need to care about another person, but themselves.. so they put on this facade and their amazing acting abilities to make you THINK they are your friends. Never let people step all over you.... you don't need people like this. They take everything from you- time and energy. Don't waste it. Use it on friends that are clearly your friends without strings attached.

Interest- A key thing to making people closer. I already have friends with WAY different interest than me- but we bonded because we initially had something in common. Now, even though everyone has grown up and gone a different path, the essence of familiarity has ultimately sealed the deal to life long friendship. I approve of this kind of friendship because it shows that they can survive through the ups and downs in life- and even separation. :) But now as I am on this path in life and I hardly see anyone with my interest, it makes it difficult for me to talk about my passions without a similar perspective being involved. That is why I am so excited to attend Grad school.. pray that I get in.. so that I can meet fellow peers engaging in the same activities as me, and I can bask in a friendship that is based on what we love to do. I'm excited for that.

Broken friendships- some are worth fixing and others are just meant to leave alone. People that were once so close to you, that now faded... is such a sad situation.. but it is life. It takes TWO to tango.. if one departs.. its the end of a wonderful friendship :/ .

Faith

Faith.

Its actually a beautiful thing.

It gets you out of the toughest situation,

gives you something to hope for

gives you something to reach out for

gives you a reason to live beyond yourself.

My faith is not so much a religion as it a relationship with someone beyond this world.

Its a hard thing to grasp. But its beautiful.

My faith isn't here to condemn anyone,

my faith teaches me to love others more than myself

my faith teaches me to be humble.

My faith also teaches me that I will fail because I am human, but that I can learn and try again to be a better person.

I think my faith is a beautiful thing.

When I am down like the way I was few days ago, I had NOTHING but faith to rely on, and prayer to get me healing quicker (even the doctor I spoke to told me, I healed fast).

James is probably my favorite book in the bible because it is so simple in what life is all about

"Cherish your hardships, because endurance builds character in life"

I'm sorry to all my friends...

I'm sorry for all the people that had made you guys gain a distorted image of what christians are. (you see, we only preach LOVE and Faith, not condemnation- they were wrong to do so)

I'm sorry that people have pushed and pressured you guys to see what you guys can not see,

I'm sorry for hypocrisy- even though we never claimed to be perfect (because we claim to be everything but that), we only strive to be better people.

I know there have been people that ruined FAITH for all- and that is sad.

But please don't take it away from me. Please let me be. Please let me have my faith in whatever, because its the only thing that helps me make it through this tough, hard, unpredictable life.

It's my faith to love. Not yours to hate. Thank You.

inspired.

I am definitely moved by people that do it all!

I guess the only person holding me back from doing all the things I want .. is really myself.

Well, sort of my circumstance too.

Everything is really hard to achieve, so I do have to ask myself- will it be worth it in the end, even if I was to fail?

I really believe that I fall in between- the book worm type and the artsy type. I don't really like leaning one way or another. I'm the type that needs both in balance, so that my brain will feel like it is exercising the left and right hemisphere. Other people, I know for sure are one sided handicapped, so the other side becomes extremely strong and driven. Mine is an average joe on both sides, so I pretty much feel very useless. I guess you can say, all I really got is hard work and determination. I wonder how far that will get me, lol.

I do have a side career in mind, and I don't know how attainable it is...

but I do want to take sewing, fashion, marketing classes- and create a HUGE dress line if not only everyday wear but FULL out formal wear. I have a lot of sketches done, even though they aren't accurate to how real designers portray them, but I think it's a good step lol.

I probably would want to design aprons later also. Anything dress- esque, I absolutely adore :D