My 2012 Changes

2012- People in your life affect you NO MATTER WHAT.. even when they pass you by. we ALL need to understand we ARE the company WE KEEP. Sister- Thru her life, I learned to be THANKFUL for ALL I HAVE, for who I am, and how far I have come. I have learned that people come from ALL walks of life.. and we as PEOPLE from another so called "life" need to ACCEPT that.. Friend - Taught me it is SO IMPORTANT TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY.. not just communicate.. BUT BE DETAILED/ specific.. because things definitely get lost in translation.. sheesh.. and you think this is a relationship bf/gf issue.. its DEF NOT.. best friends can FIGHT on... for hours... too HAHAH Friend- Taught me to see things POSITIVELY, and really shows me what REAL LOVE looks like.. Her thoughtfulness keeps me.. INCREDIBLY SANE BF- Taught me patience, to STOP OVERTHINKING every little thing, to see things differently, and most of all if things can be changed then work on it, and if it can't then to let go and accept it :) He above all can keep me grounded with a much needed REALITY check... very difficult for me and yet he can manage :) Roomie: taught me to have fun and let go sometimes. My seriousness and her excitement sure make a great duo My entire OT class: omg true bliss.. the BIGGEST encouragement in LIFE.. my motivation.. this is what they are.

pattern

My life has always been a consistent pattern no matter how much I try to change it or digress from it, I seem to come right back to where I was.. and I always thing "geez, nothing is ever going to change" But I guess this is where I was stuck, with this whole idea of change.. what is the purpose to change? usually people change for other people and maybe I was one of them, in fact I AM one of them. So now that I know that, maybe I don't even need to change.. I have an amazing boyfriend that is teaching me to stop "over-thinking"life. If you are happy, it is simply that .. "be happy" why look for a flaw? why try to break a beautiful thing, it'll end if it needs to .. on a greater note or for a greater purpose.. so make the most of each moment, each breath... but at the same time KNOW how to pick yourself up and move on.. life is WAY to short.. to LINGER.. make the changes that disrupt your life.. keep at the things that make you happy and APPRECIATE everything- negative and positive. I am beginning to understand that it is NOT the approval of others that I seek, it is simply my own.. and from there.. I can seek the changes I need. LIFE IS GREAT, I know when to cut ties, when to embrace love, know how to confront, know how to work hard, know how to STOP overthinking and STOP listening to everyone ELSE's opinions Simply.. LIVE. LOVE. and HAVE FAITH (totally cliche but totally true)

Men vs. Women and what I did not know

Men and Women love being in relationships... they pursue, they get interested, they learn, they grow or not... they decide "is this worth it?" and either continue or discontinue.. then there are those where they spent every waking hour together but the relationship still sucks... is this new info? nope.. everyone knows this.. but what I didn't realize is .. that.. people don't work because there is this thing called "perfect" person... or that he/she wasn't the ideal.. The reason that some people just work.. is because the guy/ girl are on the same page.. basically the girl has figured out how she functions.. and how he functions.. and in the same way.. so has the guy.. with that in their subconscious.. they act accordingly... girls... we get endorphins.. "our happy hormones" thru our emotions.. thru TALKING.. CUDDLING.. SWEET ROMANTIC GESTURES... sweet words... etc... guys.. they get their high.. from thrills.. from doing manly things.. or whatever they think is "manly" .. because it gives them that edge... who would have know that TALKING .. only gives girls a high meanwhile make the guy decrease in happiness... but still they try.. because they just don't know.. but scientifically.. all this emotional stuff actually stalls their own happiness. solution? Let men be men.. the more you *the woman* let go and allow the freedom.. the more high he will get YOU.. and the more he will want you to feel balanced basically... he will crave you.. and desire you.. so really even tho it feels like you "lost" him.. you are actually WINNING.. so ladies, just sit back and relax.. FOCUS on your life.. and be successful in all aspect of your life.. because your relationship shouldn't get in the way nor should it... make you cray.

Past

I am nothing like you.
I will never be
I will never WANT to be you ever again.

I'm speaking hypothetically about my past.
When I look back, I see such a naive girl.
Someone that didn't know who she was
what she wanted
and let the world define it for her

let people..
irrelevant people define my world?

how dumb of me

I am in a new place,
eyes wide open
seeing the crap I used to deal with
and NOW I woke up, and realized I HAVE FULL control of what I want
who I am
where I want to be.

There is no stopping me,
because there is no stopping my destiny.. my future..

in the end, we all end up where we should.
past takes us to the present, and the present takes us to our future

every second of our lives
we make choices
and I choose to take control

I don't take your crap, my crap, the worlds crap anymore.
life is what it is,
you take it one day at a time, and it will be an emotional roller coaster,
but we all love roller coasters right? .. haha

life should be fun..
take advantage.
stop dwelling on CRAP.

Make a change. Today. Right NOW!

epiphany

You want to be the girl that guys go crazy for?

- be a mystery
- don't talk so much (crap)
- have your OWN life
- let them have their OWN life
- don't care so much, be as DRAMA_ FREE as possible
- don't be needy, you can fend for yourself
- don't be interested, unless you REALLY are.
- don't conform
- be absolutely and COMPLETELY yourself

You choose. You decide

Every second the time passes,
you breathe in new air
you breathe out old air
your eye captures new images
and your brain absorbs new material

every day we learn something new
every day we strive to be better people.

how we behave becomes our sole actions
actions that become our habits

and all together, makes you YOU!
but on the side note, all of it also becomes your "reputation"

Reputation is a hard act to follow
meaning it defines your core..
well in other people's eyes..
and it can't be easily erased

so what is stronger? what the majority has to say about you? or what you have to say?
yes YOU are all that matters..
but if you live in "society"
the group, the people, the world becomes the dominant force..
and you can't escape what you are labeled.

Unless with great patience and great wisdom
you alter your behavior
you decide your next move with GREAT wisdom
you patiently stick by what you say you will do

Its officially been 1 wk of the new year,
and I have not been preparing myself for what changes I want to make

I don't want to be taken for granted anymore
when I see strong independent women that don't define themselves from a man's eyes, I want to be them!
I want to be classy and elegant in the way I speak, take care of others, and behave.

I hope to be a better person this year.
all I need to remember is
make "smarter and greater choices"