Past

I am nothing like you.
I will never be
I will never WANT to be you ever again.

I'm speaking hypothetically about my past.
When I look back, I see such a naive girl.
Someone that didn't know who she was
what she wanted
and let the world define it for her

let people..
irrelevant people define my world?

how dumb of me

I am in a new place,
eyes wide open
seeing the crap I used to deal with
and NOW I woke up, and realized I HAVE FULL control of what I want
who I am
where I want to be.

There is no stopping me,
because there is no stopping my destiny.. my future..

in the end, we all end up where we should.
past takes us to the present, and the present takes us to our future

every second of our lives
we make choices
and I choose to take control

I don't take your crap, my crap, the worlds crap anymore.
life is what it is,
you take it one day at a time, and it will be an emotional roller coaster,
but we all love roller coasters right? .. haha

life should be fun..
take advantage.
stop dwelling on CRAP.

Make a change. Today. Right NOW!

epiphany

You want to be the girl that guys go crazy for?

- be a mystery
- don't talk so much (crap)
- have your OWN life
- let them have their OWN life
- don't care so much, be as DRAMA_ FREE as possible
- don't be needy, you can fend for yourself
- don't be interested, unless you REALLY are.
- don't conform
- be absolutely and COMPLETELY yourself

You choose. You decide

Every second the time passes,
you breathe in new air
you breathe out old air
your eye captures new images
and your brain absorbs new material

every day we learn something new
every day we strive to be better people.

how we behave becomes our sole actions
actions that become our habits

and all together, makes you YOU!
but on the side note, all of it also becomes your "reputation"

Reputation is a hard act to follow
meaning it defines your core..
well in other people's eyes..
and it can't be easily erased

so what is stronger? what the majority has to say about you? or what you have to say?
yes YOU are all that matters..
but if you live in "society"
the group, the people, the world becomes the dominant force..
and you can't escape what you are labeled.

Unless with great patience and great wisdom
you alter your behavior
you decide your next move with GREAT wisdom
you patiently stick by what you say you will do

Its officially been 1 wk of the new year,
and I have not been preparing myself for what changes I want to make

I don't want to be taken for granted anymore
when I see strong independent women that don't define themselves from a man's eyes, I want to be them!
I want to be classy and elegant in the way I speak, take care of others, and behave.

I hope to be a better person this year.
all I need to remember is
make "smarter and greater choices"

Egocentrism

Ever feel like your life is on a movie set,
cameras rolling
and you're the main character?

or do you feel like the invisible one,
just another person in the crowd?

its amazing how our personalities develop
and makes us who we are today.

we fall under one of those two categories
but I guess it all depends on how established your "self esteem" is.

Believe it or not,
when we were much younger,
when we were naive
and we saw the world as beautiful and innocent,
we all developed the same way (normal development that is)
our pre-operational stages or what not, we all believed we were invincible.
we were all EGOCENTRIC

that belief still lingers in some adults these days,
and I believe that egocentrism is what brought them to be someone GREAT.
self esteem. self motivators, self- doers.
these are the people I respect.
I honor them, because they DON"T WASTE THEIR LIFE

every moment I feel like i waste my life.. I just want to kill myself..

its like HI I"M SHARON,
now what am I doing?

I feel it ... inside of me.. something GREAT is about to happen..
I don't know when... but I feel it coming..
because I CHOOSE never to give up..
on faith.

Who am I? Who are you?

It's amazing how we are given one life,
and we can choose to be anybody at any given time.

we may not be able to change our circumstances,
but we can push towards "change"
much greatness comes with a change in yourself.

all my values, views, morals, etc..
comes down to what I CHOSE.

I live with it, I stick with it..
and that is what sets me apart from you .. from them...

but at any given moment, I can change..
I can hate the things I once loved
and love the things I once hated..

but that's life right?

New york was such an amazing "change" for me...
its actually something that I needed..
I don't know if its my escape place yet, but it taught me that
california is not where I ever want to be.

In order to be completely myself, and find myself
I need to keep following my dreams
my hopes
my heart...

once I do that, I know I will lose myself
because I will get caught up in my new life..
but the amazing part is, I need to lose my old self
to find the "better" me.

its there, but now its my time to just come out and be a NEW YORKER. :)

Weak

I am emotionally vulnerable, weak, and unstable..
FOR NOW.

of course I let my heart go thru SO much and never allowed it to heal.
Each time a person goes in and out of my life..
even friends..
my heart slowly tears apart piece by piece.

I am still in the process of healing..
and still in the process of understanding

I am striving to become tougher and stronger
because they say after something breaks apart-
its becomes tougher, stronger, and more durable.

I know what pain feels like
and I think the heartache that my dad caused
has been the greatest-
it was my FIRST heart break

That is the heart I did not allow to heal,
boys will try to mend it
but they fail
and they go because they feel like failures...
sigh never satisfied. and never will be till i'm satisfied with myself.

But yes, I am still weak
and.. I fail all the time..
so knowing there is nothing here for me in LA
helps me LOOK forward to NEW YORK

I really do hope I develop an entirely NEW perspective on life.
and just love, care, and be myself
I hope to really find myself out there
and meet really great ppl.
let the countdown begin!