Fairy tale

I have always had a dream.
A wonderful, swt dream.
lol.

I'm a typical girl


Anyways,
I always imagined my life to be something like this :
marry at 24.
have kids by 27.
have my own clinic by 30.
and be super happy with the man of my dreams.

ok.. well.. i'm very OFF lol
but I know that happiness comes in other forms and shapes..
and I am still embracing all the changes..
my life will probably play out like this..

be engaged by 26
marry by 27
have 1st kid by 30
and have a clinic by 40

or even that.. might not work..
life is sooooo unpredictable it intrigues and scares me at the same time.

I guess I should just be living in my present..
because so far.. its been playing out quite nicely.
because of HIM.

But as of now.. I'm super happy
I never thought I would meet my prince charming.
I never thought that it was possible to have it all..
boy I was wrong..
People tell you romance like the movies never come true..
but if you meet the right person..
it does.. IT REALLY DOES..

no compromise..
no sadness..
no games..

both people on the same page, on the same path, going at the same pace.. with one goal .. making the other person happy.
i'm giddy :)

Grad school

Its upon us.
well.. me..
lol.

Sigh, what is wrong with me.. why am I so fickle!!
I feel like such a kid that needs a lot of growing up.

I don't know what will make me happy and it scares me to stick with something that i'm so unsure of..
I want to help people... I know that much
but I also want to do it in a way that will make my job fun more than a mundane task.

when i discovered OT, I thought, whoa this might be perfect for me..
but its also very chill.
you might be thinking why is that bad?

well for those that know me, I am super competitive, and super active in my daily life.
I have to keep at a fast pace and have to fill my schedule up for the year.
I have to stay busy, because that is what drives me.

So then I discovered nurse anesthetist
and boy it sounds SOOOOOOO COOL
to be active in surgery
to get paid double
and to just be in that constantly active environment.

Sigh, what am I doing with my life? :/
i'm already almost there for OT..
why am I trying to give up now?
perhaps I should just try it for 5 yrs and see how much I enjoy it..
and if I don't like it..
go back to school for nursing.wah life has too many choices.

Is it possible

Is it possible to like a friend more than a friend?

Its a huge risk,
when do you know its worth a try?

What if I was to say that someone is willing to offer me everything that I could ever dream of..
Could offer what the others were lacking?
What if they have SHOWN you evidence that they want to be there for you thru thick and thin

Is that when I take a risk?
My heart is very tired, and very guarded..

words are words..
What I learned from my past..
is that words mean nothing..
people talk so easily..
win people over so easily..

but it means nothing.. to me now

I used to not be this cold person..
but now I am..
So how do I act.. when someone is asking for my heart?
when someone is offering a safe haven for it?

risk.
I don't know if I have it in me.