Change me.

So much going on in my mind. So much happening around me.

Its hard to sleep, hard to breathe because I am overwhelmed and consumed by it all.

But what?

I don't even know for sure, but NO ONE can control it but myself.

Let's just say I lost myself.

I became a person that I hated and let that control me.

I know who I want to be.

Its time to change.

Its time to let go of insecurities, worries, doubt..

and live in the moment.

live day by day.

Yes... there will be the ups and downs..

but LIFE has a reason for EVERYTHING.

its time to accept the facts, its time to accept what it is.. and ignore the negative.

I only have myself to control.. I only have myself to think about.. I can ONLY change myself..

Its time for my change.

How do I start living this way? Ignorance

What you don't know, can't hurt you.

This maybe a STUPID way to live.. but its the ONLY way to live..

No more safety precautions, no more holding back.

I am in control of myself... so I can only work on myself.. to better myself.. and stay strong.

Friendship

Friendship...

Can be such a beautiful thing or deadly to any social life.

As people get older, I feel like the meaning of friendship becomes an issue.

When we were all younger, we played with whomever, whoever, whatever.

But as we mature into teenagers or adulthood, we become pickier and stick with people who we ultimately: Trust, use, or have the same interest.

No one is now just friends..

If you look around you, we only have a few we can call our best friends and many we can call our acquaintances. But how are we choosing, and why do many leave you abandoned?

Trust is a huge deal breaker. Not many people in this world are reliable, friendly, genuine, and ultimately trustworthy. I don't know why that is, maybe they just had a terrible childhood.. but there are so many people in this world you have to be weary about. Its so sad, but getting hurt by someone you think.. you thought... was such an amazing friend can leave you guarded and closed off, that no one would want to get close to you in the end. So to find those trustworthy friends, is like finding treasure. Something to cherish and never take for granted. Keep them close. :)

As we get older, I notice that people tend to latch on to people that are beneficial to them. Its such a selfish act, but I see more and more of this playing out. All I see behind those eyes are USERS. They use people to gain something, to get ahead for themselves. I hate people like this. They no longer have the need to care about another person, but themselves.. so they put on this facade and their amazing acting abilities to make you THINK they are your friends. Never let people step all over you.... you don't need people like this. They take everything from you- time and energy. Don't waste it. Use it on friends that are clearly your friends without strings attached.

Interest- A key thing to making people closer. I already have friends with WAY different interest than me- but we bonded because we initially had something in common. Now, even though everyone has grown up and gone a different path, the essence of familiarity has ultimately sealed the deal to life long friendship. I approve of this kind of friendship because it shows that they can survive through the ups and downs in life- and even separation. :) But now as I am on this path in life and I hardly see anyone with my interest, it makes it difficult for me to talk about my passions without a similar perspective being involved. That is why I am so excited to attend Grad school.. pray that I get in.. so that I can meet fellow peers engaging in the same activities as me, and I can bask in a friendship that is based on what we love to do. I'm excited for that.

Broken friendships- some are worth fixing and others are just meant to leave alone. People that were once so close to you, that now faded... is such a sad situation.. but it is life. It takes TWO to tango.. if one departs.. its the end of a wonderful friendship :/ .

Faith

Faith.

Its actually a beautiful thing.

It gets you out of the toughest situation,

gives you something to hope for

gives you something to reach out for

gives you a reason to live beyond yourself.

My faith is not so much a religion as it a relationship with someone beyond this world.

Its a hard thing to grasp. But its beautiful.

My faith isn't here to condemn anyone,

my faith teaches me to love others more than myself

my faith teaches me to be humble.

My faith also teaches me that I will fail because I am human, but that I can learn and try again to be a better person.

I think my faith is a beautiful thing.

When I am down like the way I was few days ago, I had NOTHING but faith to rely on, and prayer to get me healing quicker (even the doctor I spoke to told me, I healed fast).

James is probably my favorite book in the bible because it is so simple in what life is all about

"Cherish your hardships, because endurance builds character in life"

I'm sorry to all my friends...

I'm sorry for all the people that had made you guys gain a distorted image of what christians are. (you see, we only preach LOVE and Faith, not condemnation- they were wrong to do so)

I'm sorry that people have pushed and pressured you guys to see what you guys can not see,

I'm sorry for hypocrisy- even though we never claimed to be perfect (because we claim to be everything but that), we only strive to be better people.

I know there have been people that ruined FAITH for all- and that is sad.

But please don't take it away from me. Please let me be. Please let me have my faith in whatever, because its the only thing that helps me make it through this tough, hard, unpredictable life.

It's my faith to love. Not yours to hate. Thank You.

inspired.

I am definitely moved by people that do it all!

I guess the only person holding me back from doing all the things I want .. is really myself.

Well, sort of my circumstance too.

Everything is really hard to achieve, so I do have to ask myself- will it be worth it in the end, even if I was to fail?

I really believe that I fall in between- the book worm type and the artsy type. I don't really like leaning one way or another. I'm the type that needs both in balance, so that my brain will feel like it is exercising the left and right hemisphere. Other people, I know for sure are one sided handicapped, so the other side becomes extremely strong and driven. Mine is an average joe on both sides, so I pretty much feel very useless. I guess you can say, all I really got is hard work and determination. I wonder how far that will get me, lol.

I do have a side career in mind, and I don't know how attainable it is...

but I do want to take sewing, fashion, marketing classes- and create a HUGE dress line if not only everyday wear but FULL out formal wear. I have a lot of sketches done, even though they aren't accurate to how real designers portray them, but I think it's a good step lol.

I probably would want to design aprons later also. Anything dress- esque, I absolutely adore :D