Love

I was listening to a friend tell me how naive I am when it comes to falling in love.
I am always giddy and excited about being in a relationship-
and though many have failed, I still act like a kid.

Others use their heartache against them
never learning
but always guarding.

see the thing is.. relationships happen.. they come and go..
it really is all chance.

If you don't risk it..
how will u find it..

just cuz one didn't work or even 20..
it just shows mr. right just hasn't shown up yet..
because when he does, you will know- plus.., there will be no games, and u won't be tired..

if ur tired in ur relationship from working too hard to keep it going- WHY? Just quit it.
love is easy, life is hard.. love makes life easier. yay.

so i like being giddy..
I won't ever stop..

I'm more in love with love than the guy HAHA..
so when the guys think i'm so in LOVE with them..
its sort of funny..

I'm very content to be single..
so when I am in a relationship, I'm also not afraid to be all of me, and give all of me.:P

lucky

I guess I would say I'm lucky..
I constantly feel like my boyfriend was almost designed for me
puzzle pieces, peas in a pod, you name it.. he feels "perfect"

I had no intentions of finding someone like him..
in fact, I didn't even know they existed..
I'm not saying he's PERFECT
but in a way he's perfect for me..

the one thing he has really given me is a piece of mind.
In relationships, I'm usually on edge and constantly thinking about how we will break up
constantly thinking where their heart is
and constantly worrying about not being good enough

I struggled to understand myself in a relationship
and sometimes in my disbelief from what I have found
i challenge him to the core, to test his faith and his loyalty..
I just need to know that he is "sure".. that he is "in love" with me..

I know the way I feel, but you can't always trust the ways others feel about you
I guess that's why he is special to me,
because even when he doesn't say it...
I can feel it..
he's special.. he makes me feel special..
I'm glad he's mine and I am his..

I am at peace when I am with him, and I am stronger with him by my side..
I enjoy his company, appreciate his time, and love his heart.

so emo

I am so emotional at times..
its like.. I act .. "irrational"
I hate that side of me..
its annoying and I always tell myself.. "shut up" gahhh

lol

I am talking specifically about girls in relationships..
guys are so passive
and girls are so...
touchy touchy with feelings

I hate it, but I overly do it!
WHY? WHYYYYYY

when my boyfriend talks..
i say "SO YOU MEAN... " etc..
and I get mad.. at my own non sensical sayings
lol.. its beyond ridiculous ..seriously.
STOP
STOPPPPP.. i'm asking for a ruined relationship..

-__-

My dad says i'm way too emotional..
he thinks i get sad a lot
and my sister calls me "sensitive"

these are qualities I DON"T want..
and need to LEARN to just STOP

What's new?

Starting a whole new year..
brings on new things..
new problems
new blessings
new wonders
new sadness
new laughter..
"every day is a new day"

So in my attempt to save money, and pay off my debt... I actually feel more broke.. putting in huge chunks of my savings into my repayments.
On top of that, I have medical and traffic tickets <- both which make me feel like.. uh.. not necessary! but now i'm paying for my mistakes..
its only been 4 days of the new year, but i've been pretty good about not shopping lol..

le sigh.

so heres my update:
boyfriend? seems great. nothing really exciting.. I guess we're too poor or too tired to go crazy.. lol..
money? I think I need a 2nd job
friends? feels a bit distant with some- and in my failure to mix friends.. I have to work harder to keep all my separate groups of friends close to me..
work? I love it. but the pay sucks..and its killing my car
school? april.. APRILLLLL.. will tell me all
location? if all goes smoothly- i'll be moving to the san gabriel valley just so its easier on my life, my job, and my bf :P

What I hope to see in this upcoming future:

plan #1- NYU acceptance, Continue to work full time till sept, Pay off all debt, lug around my sucky car, and move to the east coast in sept.

Plan #2- NYU rejection, continue to work full time maybe get promoted OR look for a better paid full time job, buy a mini cooper in april, and work on a business plan (even consider moving up to nor cal to start a private company with my best friend katt)

So many options.. yet.. so.. many.. opportunities to fail. I shall be optimistic for nowwww